Tool No 23: Never Explain, Never Apologise
HOW? Whenever you feel an apology or explanation about to escape your lips, stop and think. The pause will give you time to come up with a solution instead.
In the film She Wore A Yellow Ribbon, John Wayne says, “Never apologise. It’s a sign of weakness.” If I close my eyes, I can almost see the Duke’s signature sneer. It is a good personal mantra, and I supplement it with “never explain”.
Sometimes I coach managers who have an apologetic tone: “Oh, sorry blah blah blah...”, “I’m sorry, but blah blah blah...”, “But it was also because...” Stop apologising, explaining or defending yourself. Behaviour like that will inevitably make you the subservient party in working relationships.
If you have to accept criticism, explain how you intend to react: “Thanks for the reminder. What I’ll do is...” And that’s it, that’s the end of the matter, and all without you passing the buck and putting others in the firing line.
